As I am learning from a first person perspective, stress-related physical damage is REAL. Due to the combination of me not suiting my work at MPSS and MPSS not suiting my skills and abilities, over the past eight months the overtime and the tremendous struggle of trying to stay afloat took its toll.
Even now, after a month of spending over half of my time away from MPSS and doing something that is much more suited to me and that which I am much more suited to, by midday my voice is shot and my hearing degenerates along with my voice so things get muted.
I was really hoping that time away from MPSS would help but not yet. In fact it isn't just at work now. Whenever I enter a stressful situation of any kind the above symptoms return. So it seems that my body has picked up a new memory to dealing with any stress and that is for my voice to go, my throat to feel like it is coated in something and my hearing to be diminished. I guess it's going to take a little longer. Patience, Cam. Patience.
Speaking of patience...
Recently Hiroko has been telling me about patients who come in with throat-related conditions (no names) and how some of them have developed tumours that are not likely curable. So now I have begun thinking as of today that maybe I should go and see the ENT doctor in my 'hood this weekend and have him take a deeper look than the last time he diagnosed me as having acute pharyngeal laryngitis.
I first noted the voice loss around early December so now we are going on for almost four months.
On the weekends when I am away from work and there is no rise of stress levels this absolutely does not happen. My voice is clear and strong and my hearing remains sharp. It just comes out under duress.
Also due to work it has been about four or five months since I have been able to go to the gym more than once a month. And my muscles have definitely disappeared, my body has shrunk and weakened, and I can feel that if I'm not careful my back may go out. That hasn't happened for about a decade, or just as long as I have been working out and doing strength exercises.
This work has really taken a toll on my overall health. It has to be the most difficult work to date. And so I am really looking forward to the June and July travels and I sincerely hope that the body will start to regenerate itself and heal because the lack of strength and the constant fatigue really has me worn out. I am ready to go to sleep by the time I get on the train to go home! And that is certainly not me.
I know that I will get through this and be stronger for it but at the moment while still heading downhill (internal visceral body fat is back as well as the tire-ette around the waist) is certainly a bit of a disheartening challenge. Maybe from April when I'm not working at two companies anymore I will be able to get out on time? I just have to get past the tremendous fatigue..... I really do feel like all those other burned out Japanese businessmen on the trains!
I still love me!
P.S. All the plegm buildup in my throat and nasal passage due to the cedar pollen is only exacerbating the problem especially because I am not in a position to expectorate it out (on the heads of the people around me) and it doesn't seem to want to move anyway.
From Evernote: |
Step into Your Fear |
Stepping into your fear
Doing the things that scare the shit out of you
Challenging tha which makes your mind spin
Doing the "impossible"
Busting your ego
Going against society
Doing that which nobody else can understand
Moving forward in spite of those around you having different opinions
Everything moves
Everything progresses
Only that which stops, dies
That which stops DIES
Keep moving
Even if you're scared shitless
It's the only choice
Move
Forward
And
Step.
Into your fear.
It is worth it.
I know this.
And so do all of you reading this.
So....
What are you doing today that scares you?
From Evernote: |
Full on Fukuoka |
Sitting in Starbucks at Tenjin after a full 10 to 8 search for apartments school.
We spent two and a half hours in the office on the Internet looking for places and gathering information. After that we started driving around and going to other places to look at them.
I fell in love with two places! They were both really really amazing, and provide us with basically everything we are thinking that we would like to have and need in order to start a new life here in Fukuoka.
Both of the places are actually owners mentions are condominiums that are being rented out which means that the quality of the places are much higher than actual rental apartments.
They're both in very different locations, and have very different things to offer, but both of them seem to offer mostly what we need or rather what we're actually looking for.
On paper one looks more expensive than the other and the key money downpayment that has to be paid is quite a bit more than the other one, but when you look at everything that is included in that it works out to be just about the same cost per month as the other one that is also just as amazing.
Both are about the same distance by subway to Tenjin station which is the main hub where I am now which is basically the downtown of Fukuoka where everything is located including luxury stores like diesel (unfortunately?), and Starbucks (fortunately) and all those other kinds of things.
They're both quite large and the first one we looked at is larger than the house that I lived in in Fukui so that's pretty amazing in itself. It has four rooms in total one is in a tatami room but that can be used quite nicely as we looked at it and everything else is really really amazing in that place.
Sorry I'm doing this on Siri you so sometimes English comes across a little bit strange.
The second place is older , 2005 vs 2011, so what has a few scars scratches and everything like that, but it two is really nice and the living room is huge!
The two main things that I really like about the second apartment is our that one it is 400 m away from Fukui University sorry Fukuoka University Hospital which is definitely a place that perhaps Hiroko could find a job and work so she can walk to work in probably seven minutes, and that would be amazing.
The other thing that will again have Hiroko absolutely drooling is that even though both of the apts have an automatic dishwasher the second one actually has an oven. Can you believe that there's a real in oven in the kitchen in this place!?! And, Hiroko being a chef will absolutely probably have a chefgasm over this oven in this place.
In addition to that it's approximately 400 m walk to the subway station that will take 15 minutes to get here to Tenjin. So it ends up being really good for me, because probably I'll be working in this area when I find a job as my work will probably be in this kind of upscale place where businesses tend to have their offices.
The other thing that has me absolutely drooling is the fact that behind Fukuoka University and Fukuoka University Hospital are some mountains! wow! Wow! Wow! We can go walking, we can go trekking, we can go biking, we can go mountain biking, and we can have a lot of fun in the outdoors.And the good thing is, to get to the mountains we probably won't need more than 15 or 20 minutes, which means that we can enjoy real and true nature just in the blink of an eye.
Both locations have excellent large supermarkets nearby so that's not a problem and probably both locations have many smaller hospitals around as well so that's not problem either. The question is which one do we want to choose?
If we want to enjoy city life without owning a car or without using a car much then Meinohama, the first one, is probably a better place to be. But if we want to be close to potential work and be close to actually getting away into real nature easily and quickly for even a short time on the weekends then probably the second one is the better choice.
Personally, if Hiroko could walk to work everyday, and I could take the train for 20 minutes to get to work, that would be my first choice. Reason is because this time around I want her to really be able to enjoy life and have a relaxing adventure as much as possible because I really really care about this woman and want to take care of her as much as possible.
The next step is, that Hiroko now needs to ask her family member to be a guarantor. And I think that that's going to be a little bit of a challenge. But it's something that we will have to overcome and will have to work on ASAP if we want to get this done. These places will probably not be available for much longer than a few days, so I've actually filled in as much information as possible, and we are holding them for two days; however in order to continue the check on us we need to have the guarantor for this information.
That's it for today, actually we visited three but I wasn't impressed with the third one and a couple other ones we decided not to look at because these two are just too perfect for our needs.
We are getting much closer, which is really good. I hope that we'll be able to get an answer tomorrow back to the real estate agent. I'm going to go home to the hotel have dinner and a couple drinks and then go in and hopefully I'll talk to Hiroko on telephone tonight and we can discuss this and talk about it. I have sent her emails with many photos of the apartments so I hope she takes a look at them and is able to get a good idea about how amazing they really are.
What a fucking fantastic day!
I really love Fukuoka.
This is a great city that has basically all of the same kind of stores just not as many of them, however much less people, which makes it a lot easier to move about and get around.
Compared to Tokyo there seems to be absolutely no traffic even in the middle of the day, even in the morning during rush hour it's just quiet and very very nice to move around.
From Evernote: |
Fukuoka Rising 1-1, Tenjin 2-Chōme in Fukuoka |
Saizeriya isn't open until 11 fucking eh em! So starving as I am I got to wander around and see the hub of the area at the 9am rush. In a word? QUIET! Were this Tokyo it would be jam packed with cars and people. But it's not. And I like that. Of course it will take some time getting readjusted to the quieter life (and I hope there will be work here for me) but it is worth the gamble.
I took a snapshot of the main big road with "all" the traffic. The sidewalks are wide. And amazingly the buses seem to run every five minutes! And they seem to go everywhere. It is just like Takesa-san at work, who lives in Fukuoka but works in Tokyo during the week, claimed. Everyone uses buses here.
It is raining today but not bad as I wander around getting a feel for the city. This is good.
I have ordered two breakfasts because I'm hungry and I have a lot to do! Oh Joyfull! Joyfull!
10am meeting at the real estate agent and I need to walk there. No problem. I'm ready for this adventure.
I love adventures.
Cam
