Camcast: Presence

Today my V-51 IC recorder arrived. So I did some preliminary testing at home with and without an external microphone, and then I took it for a ride up my mountain.

I talked about being present in the moment and what it means to me as I ride. I try to re-wire my neural network because it has been hardwired into believing that as soon as I start to cycle, the brain has to spin, create meaningless conversations about imaginary future events, and drive me nuts. It got so bad that I really have not enjoyed cycling much at all these past 6-8 years. The more I rode, the more it entrenched that behaviour in my mind and the more it happened. It became a vicious cycle that I finally wanted to end.

So I asked for help, and began working on it from a "stationary stage" here at home, and in my quiet life. Then I added it to when I am alone driving. Next I added it to more active places like the gym, or shopping for groceries. Recently, I have become a bit better at being present and catching myself when my mind (but not me) starts to wander, spin, and "process" unnecessary things. I thought it was time to work on it while riding, and gain back control of my love for cycling. For me, cycling is supposed to exhaust my body while energizing my soul, not wipe both of them out and leave me totally physically, and psychologically "spent". I knew this was going to be a challenge because every single time, without fail, as soon as my pedals started to spin.. so did my mind. And my mind would not stop spinning until my pedals stopped.

This week I rode up my mountain every day except yesterday (big workout at the gym). It's a strenuous 45 minutes up with no down between, followed by a 15 minute ride down. I did talk with myself, but I talked about things in the present, things that I was experiencing right "now", such as the weeds, the air, the bugs, the gravel, my bike, my sweat, and my breath. Every time my mind started to spin, or wander, I would gently, but firmly bring it back to the present, and start to focus once again on my breath.

It's working very well. Very well, indeed.

The past few days I had been wishing that I had an IC recorder so that I could record my conversations on presence as I ride as I find what I am discussing to be quite intriguing (even if you may not). I wanted to have a record of the conversations for myself for future reference. So as you know, I ordered it, and it arrived.

So today I rode my mountain and talked continually for 45 minutes up, and 14 minutes down. I didn't just talk to hear myself talk, I had a purpose.

The quality of this V-51 IC recorder is phenomenal! When I got back and listened to the WMA files, I was amazed at how good the quality actually is! I was expecting wind, and gasping, and tons of external noise blotting out my voice... it didn't happen! Wow...

I am looking forward to keeping this up by my bed to record my dreams. I am looking forward to keeping it in my pocket or in my Stefnee bag whenever I go places so that I can always have it with me if I have thoughts, or "aha" moments to record and share with myself or others.

I took the audio, converted it from WMA format int MP3 format, and then broke it down into about 10 minute segments so that anyone who wants to listen can listen to little bits and pieces here and there and not have to worry about finding where they left off if they want to go away and come back.

If you want to listen to all of these camcasts, to make it easier to access, please pin this blog until you are done. Then when you are finished, just unpin it, put it in a paper bag in your mind, and in your mind release it into the river, and let it go.

But please while listening, please try to be present. Please don't be doing a bazillion other things like multitasking and toss this in, because it won't mean anything. All you will hear is me talking away about weird stuff. And that would be a serious waste of your time. I didn't do this to hear myself talk; and I didn't do it to waste your time. I did it, in hopes that someone, even one person, who is present with me on this ride, has a similar "aha" moment, and catches my meaning of what it really feels like to be "present".

It's a wonderful feeling.

Here are the camcasts in mp3 format. Each one is roughly 10 minutes in length, or 4-5MB in size. I hope you get something out of them, even a fraction of what I experience these days when I am able to find my present moments during my waking hours.

1. Being Present Uphill 1
2. Being Present Uphill 2
3. Being Present Uphill 3
4. Being Present Uphill 4
5. Being Present Uphill 5
6. Being Present Downhill 1
7. Being Present Downhill 2

If you really want to download the entire talk in one shot and just run it through...

Being Present Uphill All (45:00)
Being Present Downhill All (13:30)

I love you!

Cam

V is for Voice Blogging

The past two days of cycling have been extremely interesting. I have been working on being "present" with myself, mindful of the present situation, mindful of my breath, and aware of everything around me. And it's working; I am able to decrease, and eventually eliminate the meaningless and stressful spinning that my mind and the neuroreceptors have hard-wired to the pedal cadence, making cycling .... difficult over the past few years.

Monday, the ride was 50 minutes of talking to myself about being aware of everything that came into my sight. It was interesting.

Tuesday, I tried again, but instead of that, had some very interesting dialogues with myself. I have often wished (and Max has often said) that it would be great to have a recorder along with us so that we can record our conversations.

Well, today I looked through a variety of IC recorders that are on the market and purchased the Olympus V-51 Voice-Trek Dictaphone... toy so I can do just that!

Once it comes, I'll be out on rides, walking and just talking away in a productive way to myself. Then I can come home, and download it to the computer, convert it to mp3 and upload it as camcasts just for YOU!

Imagine that not only will you get to read me, see stills of me, and watch me live... but now you'll be able to LISTEN to me, too! Isn't that just THE most fantastic thing you've ever ever thought of? I KNOW it is!

The Voice-Trek V-51 is available in white and comes with 1GB of internal memory, whereas the V-61 comes wrapped in a black casing and doubles the memory, putting two gigs of storage at your disposal. Both units support MP3 and WMA files, pack USB 2.0 connectivity, measure 94.8 x 38.6 x 11mm, and weigh 47 grams.

When you shift it over to LP (long play) mode, the V-51 is capable of recording up to 277 hours and 35 minutes of audio, whereas the V-61 pushes that to an incredible 555 hours and 45 minutes.

Cost: JPY 11,200 + optional JPY 560 for 5year warranty - points = JPY 11,700 or roughly ($117).

So there you have it. Look out BlogWorld, here comes Captain CamCast!

I love you!

Cam

P.S. I thought I could use that stupid stick camera recorder that I wasted a huge amount of money on due to the format that they record in (microsloth proprietary crap) It also works as just a sound recorder, but the stupid thing records in asf format for both audio and video which is nearly impossible to convert to anything that can be used outside of windows media player simply because Microsoft has sued everyone who developed and put the codecs and converters for it into their software!

P.P.S. I only hope it doesn't pick up the wind only and drop my voice.... I'd hate to have another piece of useless technojunk sitting in my drawer along with all the other failed attempts (lessons!) at trying out new technology.

202: The Prequel to "To Die For".

Transfer No. 718
Date: August 1st, 2107

Come stai la mia amica? Come stai?

This will likely come as a surprise to you, I'll bet. It has been a long time. Well, it will be a long time. Or is it a long time? Look at the date. Yes, it is actually 2107. One hundred and seven years into your future. No, it isn't a joke.

We have finally developed a means of communicating through thought. It is called "transferring". There is no longer any need for paper. There IS no more paper. keyboards and big, fat monitors are a thing of the past. Well, my past. Your present. I shouldn't tell you too much as it can get kind of confusing. The internet evolved into a completely different entity than anyone could have imagined. Utterly and completely. It took on a whole new dimension. If you ------------------- finally say "yes".

Actually, the transferring is not yet perfect. There are still lost portions of data that go missing (like the socks in the dryer used to disappear - something we always said as kids back in the 20th century.) But not much can be done about it. We learn to live with it because it is still an amazing process.

Transferring from person to person in the present, my present (your future) is pretty easy to do. The scientists are working on some algorithms to test the probability of transferring to the past. This is one of the tests. I am actually involved in this experiment. As a researcher, and as a subject.

At the present we are unable to transfer directly. So what we have done is find a loophole in the time-space continuum where we are able to actually transfer our thoughts into a medium that you in the past can passively access. Since you don't have the technology yet, there is not much else you are able to do with this data. But it ------------- to be pretty ---------------- for now.

It is actually kind of funny. Even after 107 years, my old website is still here. It is still getting lots of visits as a relic of the past and has been placed in the solar archive museum on Vega 465B. This is how I am getting to you. Through that old friend of mine from when I was just a child. Funny how things like that happen.

And what you have in front of you is the fruits of our labors. As I first mentioned the internet evolved. But it evolved from an original concept. We are able to access the roots of that concept and use it as a conduit to the past. Not to the future yet. At least not from this date. And besides, even if we did have that ability it is classified information and cannot be divulged to any source whatsoever lest it cause a rip in time and a complete destruction of the continuum.

It is a little complicated because the science of your time is not developed enough to explain it. So I won't go any further. Just suffice it to say this is my first communication to you from your future. I hope it comes as a surprise.

There is one point that I want to explain to you. It has been semi-declassified so I can discuss it somewhat, but not in any details. I have been waiting for this to occur so I could explain to you the paradox.

You told me back in 2000 after accessing a future transfer from me to my kids that somehow got transferred to the past by error (it wasn't supposed to be there - but glitches happen) that there was something wrong with the "math" of the story. If I was born in 1965, how could I possibly be 200 years old in 2167, on the day of my death? That seems perfectly logical. And we could maybe explain it away to old age and disease. Which was how I --------------------- r many years.

But I thought you ought to know the truth. Again, thanks to advances in science I am able to explain this paradox to you. It may be impossible to actually understand fully because in your current time, such an event cannot possibly happen. Well, let me try.

In 2076 I was commanding an intergalactic patrol unit out in space. Yes, space. The advances from the year 2000 were phenomenal. Before you know it, space travel and even colonization will become a reality. Faster than anyone could ever imagine. Especially pushed on by the fire ---------------- which occurred due to ----------------- cardinal. It was a nightmare. But I cannot go on about that. We were out in deep space, a new quadrant that needed to be mapped and researched. There was a worm hole that seemed to be acting non-mathematically so we had to investigate. As we drew near, strange things began to occur. I can only say that there was a very bizarre warp. Something neither I nor any of my veteran crew members have ever experienced. The details of this are highly classified and I am not at liberty do discuss it or where it actually occurred.

Upon returning to our station, everyone was absolutely astonished to see us. We couldn't understand because we had only been away for little over three years. A very short trip. But according to the records, actually we disappeared from the tracking records and the computers lost us. Completely. We were officially dead. Dead dead. If you understand. This happens quite a lot in space as it is so vast. Get on the wrong orbit and spin off to another galaxy, hit an asteroid belt, get sucked into black holes and dematterized. All hazards of the job. So my crew and I were just another statistic.

But we didn't understand what anyone was talking about. Until we put the data back together. We returned exactly 1182 days, according to our calendar. But instead of the three years, we had returned FIVE YEARS LATER!

This, needless to say caused great concern and worry among all the scientists. We had done something that was not possible. Thrown into the future. All scientific experimentation and testing on us proved that we were only 1182 days older than when we had left. But somehow, an additional 730 days had occurred.

So in 2080, when we returned, we were all at the age of 2078. This meant that although I should have been 113, I was actually 111 years old. Two years had disappeared.

Do you understand? Does it make sense? Probably not. I don't blame you. Don't worry, you will eventually understand. In fact, it will be YOU that goes on to explain this paradox to the rest of the galactic federation. Yes, you. Former optical manufacturer turned astrophysicologist. And a "galactic-famous" one at that. Well, no more details about that. Just something to whet your appetite for the future.

And to help you ease into the future, because there will be MANY ups and downs, as you will find out, your kids are all doing fine. All seventeen of them. Not a single one has encountered a mishap. I can promise you that at this current time, there is nothing to worry about. Except maybe my health. It is tough being godfather to 17 kids of your best friend. A full-time job as it is! But I managed. And they are all doing great. (keep this in mind for future events).

Especially your first two. One went on to a brilliant career in the military. She became a decorated hero in the Man-Kzin wars. The other is currently a governor of a small explorosearch colony out in a frontier quadrant. Transfers come semi-regularly from her but she and her partner seem to be having an amazingly successful future.

As for you and I, well we made it past 100years, but not for 100. Your research took you out to the far far ends of the galaxy while I was developing a colony in the other end. We lost track of each other for 50 or so years. Only recently were we able to find each other when I happened to chance upon your legendary explanation of my event. I could see that your thoughts and descriptions, though scientific in nature still held the same old feelings that they did back when we first met. Full of wonder, full of strength, power and wisdom. Beings from all walks of life respect you now. You are like a "goddess" to some. But you are still la mia piccola ragazza. Always have been and always will be. You went on to much greater things than I. But it was in your stars. I could see it back then, however was never able to make you believe me. Well, we all had to live by our own trials and errors. It just so happened that your life was pretty blessed and you had more successes than failures. Which is what took you to where you are now (my time).

I don't want to give away too much of your future. It would ruin everything. Heck, I happen to know exactly when and how I am going to die. Is that wonderful? Well, nice to know that I get to live for another 170 years. But not so nice knowing how I go.

One last thing to leave you hanging on the edge of your seat for the future. For some strange reason, even YOU cannot yet explain it at this current time, you stopped aging at 40 years of age. Do you know what that means? We, of course have extended our health amazingly over the past decades. Mainly due to scientific breakthroughs (and drugs). But your case is different. Without any life-enhancing drugs your body just naturally stopped aging. At forty years of age. So without the drugs, you have none of the side-effects. If it --------------- then I ------------------ for about that long. Funny, don't you think? So that means that while right now I am 140 years old with the body of a 55 year old (when my birthday comes around in about a month and a half), you are 140 years old with the body and health of a natural 40 year old! And you have been that way for many years. Actually you should be 139 because your birthday hasn't arrived yet. Speaking of that, I wonder what I am going to do for you this year?

So we found each other again and picked right up where we left off. You and I were able to be one of the first to transfer directly to each other. With that bond we forged over a hundred years ago, it was definitely something more than just a "feeling". There was truly a chemical event which happened. That is too complicated to even begin to explain so I will leave it at that. We were able to transfer feelings, emotions, then finally thoughts and words, then pictures and images. It was amazing to actually feel you inside me like that. It reminds me of the day you "were inside me all day" and I was seeing everything from my perspective, through your eyes. On my eyes. And the shape of a feline. That was the first of many to come. I got used to it after a while and eventually was able to shape it more directly for you so that you didn't have just vague impressions. You could gather the image and turn them into --------------------

The one drawback of transferring is it used a tremendous amount of energy. That we haven't been able to reduce yet. This was a particularly long transfer so I am nearly at my end. Quite tired. A cup of Starbucks coffee (my favorite Venti Latte with extra foam) is keeping me going right now. Yes, Starbucks is still going strong. Their business expanded beyond anyone's wildest dreams. Everyone in the universe knows about Starbucks. No matter which colony you visit, there is always a Starbucks in the space port. One of the comforts of us earthlings so far away from our homes. Ask me about it when we next meet. I will tell you all about the story of Starbucks. Then you will truly understand the meaning of that movie called "You've Got Mail".

So I know you cannot respond to this. Hmmmmm I wonder what you will think? I just want you to know that you and your kids have an excellent future ahead of you (as long as you don't do anything stupid before that) and no matter where you go, I will always be available for communication with you.

I wish you luck and this will likely be the last time that I can contact you from the future.

One last very very very important word of advice: When you come to the fork in the path that leads you to Boronax26, be absolutely certain you take ----------------------

Got it? Good.

Love always your friend,

Commander Cambino

End Transfer No. 718
Date: August 1st, 2107

To Die For

Transfer No. 200,000
Date: 19, September, 2167

Siena & Cyan:

Hi, guys. Thanks for the birthday wish. It was really nice to hear from you today. Imagine your old man actually making it to 200. Pretty amazing, considering the thing's I've put this old body through over the centuries. But then medicine is pretty amazing in itself. To a point I guess. The doctors say that they can't give me any more injections, due to the cancer that is running rampant throughout my system. They tell me that it would most likely kill me. Can't complain, I guess. Back when you were born, nobody expected humans to live longer than about 85 on average anyway. But science has come a long way. There were people that said it couldn't be done; not within several generations anyway. I always had my doubts though. Technology does not proceed linearly, rather it shows an exponential growth pattern. Look back in history if you will. Just a scant 60 years after Wilbur and Orville Wright, the inventors of the airplane, took their first airborne flight Neil Armstrong took the first walk on the moon! In only 60 years. Nobody thought it could be possible. Time travel, even in the beginning of the 21st century was still only a fantasy, even though Steven Hawking discussed the ability of light to pass through vortices in space and actually travel back in time. Here we are, a species that lives three times as long as we used to, thanks to medicine and scientific breakthroughs.

I want to congratulate you Siena on your tenth Olympic medal. We saw the race and our minds were there with you. It looked pretty grueling but you did a great job. The RetroXC on the Asteroid Belt. Who ever would have thought. Again, we are extremely proud of you and I really wish I could have been there to see you cross the finish line.

Cyan, you of all people will probably notice the significance of this transfer the most. It doesn't take a portologist to see the portents. It is my 200th birthday today and this is my 200,000th transfer since I first began using electronic messaging back in 1995. I would have transferred much sooner but as I said, I have been pretty sick. The doctors told me that my alpha waves were too active and disrupting the natural healing patterns of the other patients so they had to put me on medication for a while. It totally prevented me from sending anything to anyone. Got me pretty depressed too, I'll tell you. That's all over now, they stopped the treatment. I am pretty weak and things have calmed down a fair bit. As a matter of fact, your mom is helping me send this. I don't have the energy to do it myself. And, in truth, this will probably be my last transfer. I know what you are thinking: "Mayu is HELPING you transfer? Is she ill??" She relented this one time from her usual belief because, I guess, she felt it was important. How can anyone forget her most famous words: "if you don't have the energy to transfer yourself, you shouldn't be transferring in the first place." She knows this will be the last. And the energy that it takes will probably be my last bit of energy at all. From then on it could be hours or days. But I thought it was very important to tell you myself what was going on here and how we are doing. Mayu always wanted to go before me; I guess her wish just won't come true this time.

I wanted to tell you guys something that I feel is very important. I know you will be able to understand, especially you, Siena. About a month ago, when I was feeling pretty good, I decided that I needed to get out for a ride. It isn't easy to find secluded places on this planet any more. Most of the forests have been used for various purposes, the mountains carved down to fill in the oceans so that the people have a place to live. Yeah, this planet is way over-populated and we, in our "wisdom" have destroyed most of the flora and fauna that were here so long before us. I am glad that Jacques Cousteau is no longer around, to tell you the truth. He would be so disgusted with mankind. You guys have a second chance to start fresh, and learn from our mistakes out there in the colonies. Do it right this time. As an aside, I am a bit cynical about your future as well. History repeats itself, we make the same errors over and over again. Who is to say that anything will be different out there? You just have a little more time than we do. Anyway, as I was saying, I needed to get out for a ride. So where did I go? Can you guess? Back to a little corner in western Japan where you, Siena, were born. Do you remember Ski Jam? Can you recall the singletrack that runs down the top of the ridge from 1000m to the valley floor? Well, I went back and did it again for old times sake. Of course everything has changed in Katsuyama and I wasn't even sure if I would be able to find the old road up the mountain. But sure enough, after getting lost a few times, there it was, just as I remember. The gravel was all gone but it was just as steep as ever. I remember grinding up that hill: 11Km of pure torture. Your lungs feel like they are going to burst, your heart is pounding so hard that it gives you a headache and your legs are on fire with lactic acid. Anaerobic rides are the best. It gives you a high like nothing else. The gorgeous buna (beech) forests were all replaced with those ugly, synthetic O2 trees. Better than nothing I guess and they did provide a fair bit of UV protection. I didn't meet another soul on the way up. That was good. I didn't want to meet anyone. And actually the chances of me running into someone there are pretty slim in the first place. Forty years ago, the landlords of Katsuyama, in their wisdom, decided to make the mountains a sanctuary for nature. It took a bit of time to grow back in after all the damage that people did to it, but Mother Nature is very persistent. In time it reverted almost to it's original state. I was a member of the committee that made the decision to close it to all public access. Now it is being opened again on an experimental basis. Only a select number of individuals are given passes that will allow entry into the park. And guess who has a pass?

Your mom wanted to come, she said she needed the fresh air. I think it was more to watch out for me than anything. She has never been a cyclist, even though she has always had a bike. So it took me quite by surprise when she demanded to be taken along. It helped tremendously that she used my matterbike. Hills are her nemesis and she doesn't like sweating or pain - never did. With the matterbike she was able to coast along behind me with little effort. I, however, took out the old 'Ealot, cleaned it up, made sure that the tires were not disintegrated, and decided to ride that. I wanted to feel the burn. I knew it would be my last chance to ride my old bike. The Proflex never even made it this long. The carbon fiber swing arms corroded away decades ago. I went to give it a test run and it just collapsed under me. Had to go to the hospital to repair a broken collar bone. But the good ol' 'Ealot has run true, all these years.

I was feeling a little bit guilty because my 'Ealot had taken a back seat to the matterbike for such a long time. And I wanted to relive my past; feel the burn as only a true mountain bike can give. Granted the matterbike can take you on a lot gnarlier terrain with a lot less talent, but I wanted to test the old reflexes. So I dusted it off and took it out of the museum one last time. That isn't the only thing I wanted to feel. I really wanted to get the wind blow across my skin, feel the heat of the sun on my face. It was a really stupid thing to do, but I figured that I didn't have much time left anyway and so what? It is, after all, my body. And my money to repair it when it falls apart. So I rode without the UVskin. I wouldn't recommend it to you because you both still have a long time left to live, but the feeling was like a burst of energy to the soul! How long have we been depriving ourselves of the sun's healing radiation? It made me feel so alive, so much like pure energy that I honestly thought I could fly! Too bad we were never able to repair the ozone hole that we created so long ago. It just kept getting bigger and bigger until it covered most of the planet. Another amazing thing that mankind created in it's evolution on this failing planet. But, boy did I burn. Had to go to a burn unit several hours after getting back and get the skin regenerated. I'm glad your mom didn't take any pictures. You wouldn't have recognized me. It did a fair bit of internal damage to me as well, but as I said, I was prepared for that to happen. I always thought this ride was to die for. Now I know it is worth it.

I think that maybe the real reason Mayu came along was because she didn't want to have to get the call. After her parents died so suddenly and she had to go and pick up their petrified remains, I don't think she has it in her to take another such shock. And also, I don't think she wanted to have to send this transfer to you by herself. It would probably be just too hard on her. I don't blame her. Farewells are always very difficult. I am just really glad that she did come. Aside from the companionship, it gave me the chance to share with her what I have been able to share with you whenever we rode together. I hope that in your competitiveness you haven't lost that feeling of elation, the high that you get from defeating the forces of gravity. The wind in the hair, the sun on the face, the gravel crunching under the tires; it leads one to transcend the banalities of everyday life. It all came flooding back to me, all the memories and all the feelings when we went out for that ride. And I could see it in your mom's eyes as well. She transferred it to me when we got to the top. There were tears streaming down her face. Although she didn't say a single word, she didn't need to. I knew exactly what she was thinking. I was feeling it too. You know what I am talking about; I know you do.

I was actually wondering if there would be any snow up there. But there wasn't. Not until we went up to where that hiker's cabin used to be. There was some snow lining the road up to there. It struck me as strange to see snow still around in September. When I was young the mountain snow usually was gone by mid April. Not that it was an unusual thing. With the weather patterns having shifted so much due to pollution, the ozone layer, and so many other reasons, snow in September is not rare at all. But just the old memory juxtaposed on the new world made it seem strange. A little "otherworldly" if you will excuse the phrase.

Then we got on the singletrack that I love so much. Every time I do that track I think of my old riding pal, Yoshida-kun. He would have liked riding with us that day. Too bad he isn't around any more. One of those mutated wild boars gored him to death about 30 years ago when he was on a ride. I had to go and identify the body. Not much to identify though after that accident. But he died doing what he loved best and I can't think of a better way to go. I owe him so much for showing me the trails that I never new existed. It enriched my life a thousand fold ....

The singletrack was as dry as an Australian outback summer. A single smoke stick would have destroyed the entire forest and everything we worked so hard on to preserve. It was great. Just as I remember it, except a little more grown in than it used to be due to the lack of use. Mayu rode just ahead of me and the field around her bike moved the bigger obstacles enough for me to get by. That eight kilometers down is so glorious. I can't think of any other place on this earth that I have ridden that can compare to that ride down. One hour of hell to get up to the trail, one hour of heaven to get down to the bottom. We rode and laughed and rode and laughed some more. It was so much fun crunching over the dried leaves, working our way through the winding, steep switchback. I actually rode more of it this time than I have ever been able to do. I guess it is true what they say about learning to ride a bike. As long as you keep at it, you will never forget. My reflexes are still pretty good for an old man. You would have been proud of me. Not like the reflexes of the younger generation but pretty damn good. Except for one place. I hit the area that used to have stairs. It was still pretty terraced and required a fair bit of skill. Not having ridden with clipless pedals for so long I had decided to forego clicking in just this once. Big mistake! As the bike dropped off one ledge and hit another successively, the bike bounced me into the air. My feet came off the pedals and when I came back down again they weren't there. So I landed pretty hard on my seat (you can't imagine how hard those old seats are!), mashing my gonads under my entire weight. It's a damn good thing I don't need to make any more kids in my lifetime. Jesus did that hurt. After Mayu stopped laughing so hard and dusted the dirt off her suit, she came over and helped me to stand up. It probably looked pretty funny. Didn't feel very funny. I always have been the entertainer, glad to give someone a laugh. When I was able to get my tender self back in the saddle again, we rode the rest of the way down. It was so excellent, so utterly excellent. Definitely worth the burn.

So you are probably wondering what it is that I wanted to tell you so badly? I know that you are both very busy in your research and that you probably won't be able to make it back for my funeral. That is OK. I understand totally. We had a long time of love and adventure among the four of us, enough to last several lifetimes. Thanks especially to Mayu always being there for everyone, always ready to give 110% of herself to help out. I don't think I could have made it this far without her. But now you have your own families and generations behind you to think of, not to mention your very very important work. I want you to know that I understand all that and that I don't want you to apologize for not being able to come. I feel you here with me all the time. But what I really want to tell you, or rather, what I really want you to remember is the feelings you had when you were young. The experiences, the emotions, the youthfulness that kept you happy children. Too many times I have seen adults going through their lives as if they were on auto pilot; not being able to truly feel their life and the energy of those around them. It is really sad to see someone who has degenerated to this state. They don't know why they are alive. They have lost their purpose of being. They have lost the little child inside. They are dead. And it wasn't a good way to die. I hope that you, Siena and you, Cyan don't end up like that. You need to fight against the pressures of humanity that are trying to bear you down. You need to walk through life and witness the universe through your "child eyes". I've been fortunate in that I never really lost that love for adventure. I will take it with me to the very end. But I also hope that Mayu and I were able to instill the same gift deep within you. I think we have. I know we have. And this is entirely from my self-centered world, but when you are really down, as happens from time to time, ride. Or hike. Or solar surf. Or travel to a new location in the universe. Do something exciting that will allow you to feel the child within yourself, something that will let you look at life with excitement. Don't let the bad feelings drag you under. Vanquish them with "happy thoughts".

People talk about the fear of life. They say that "everyone is afraid. And those that aren't are living in denial." I don't agree. How can anyone be afraid of life if they see it as a challenge, an adventure, an exciting epic tale where the outcome is only as limited as one's imagination? How can you fear that? How can anyone truly fear an adventure? I think that it is the small person, the insignificant individual who goes through life in a protected bubble, decrying the end of the world. Great people take chances. Great people become great people because of the successes and failures that they experience through taking chances. And I hope that the two of you have the opportunity to take many more chances before your epic novel comes to a close. Opportunity knocks on the front door of the individual who leaves the gate open.

That is about all I wanted to tell you. And that I love you both very much; that you are the light in my eyes, the stars in my evening sky. Wherever I go when I die, if I have the chance to tell you about it, you can be damn sure that I will. This is the biggest unknown adventure a person can ever embark upon. I'm ready for it. I've always been ready for it.

Do well in your futures, however they may turn. Learn through your mistakes and through those of others. And most of all, remember the capacity to love your fellow being as much as you love yourself. Empathize with them but don't pity them. Help whenever you can; even if it means making a sacrifice. I have always believed in the circle of life. It is a circle of infinite energy. Energy never runs out; it may be transformed into some different form, but it is always there. Forever. I don't believe in fate. We make our future with the energy that we decide to use. If we do bad things to others, then our life will be an unhappy one. If we help others and genuinely love them, then that love will return to us one hundred fold and our life will be full of joy. This is a truth that I have come to understand in my 200 years in this world. May you both find your truths.

I love you both and my soul flies with you.

Farewell until we meet again at some unexpected crossroad. For I have no doubt that we will meet again.

End Transfer No. 200,000
Date: 19, September, 2167

 

The prequel is here.