Camcast: Presence

Today my V-51 IC recorder arrived. So I did some preliminary testing at home with and without an external microphone, and then I took it for a ride up my mountain.

I talked about being present in the moment and what it means to me as I ride. I try to re-wire my neural network because it has been hardwired into believing that as soon as I start to cycle, the brain has to spin, create meaningless conversations about imaginary future events, and drive me nuts. It got so bad that I really have not enjoyed cycling much at all these past 6-8 years. The more I rode, the more it entrenched that behaviour in my mind and the more it happened. It became a vicious cycle that I finally wanted to end.

So I asked for help, and began working on it from a "stationary stage" here at home, and in my quiet life. Then I added it to when I am alone driving. Next I added it to more active places like the gym, or shopping for groceries. Recently, I have become a bit better at being present and catching myself when my mind (but not me) starts to wander, spin, and "process" unnecessary things. I thought it was time to work on it while riding, and gain back control of my love for cycling. For me, cycling is supposed to exhaust my body while energizing my soul, not wipe both of them out and leave me totally physically, and psychologically "spent". I knew this was going to be a challenge because every single time, without fail, as soon as my pedals started to spin.. so did my mind. And my mind would not stop spinning until my pedals stopped.

This week I rode up my mountain every day except yesterday (big workout at the gym). It's a strenuous 45 minutes up with no down between, followed by a 15 minute ride down. I did talk with myself, but I talked about things in the present, things that I was experiencing right "now", such as the weeds, the air, the bugs, the gravel, my bike, my sweat, and my breath. Every time my mind started to spin, or wander, I would gently, but firmly bring it back to the present, and start to focus once again on my breath.

It's working very well. Very well, indeed.

The past few days I had been wishing that I had an IC recorder so that I could record my conversations on presence as I ride as I find what I am discussing to be quite intriguing (even if you may not). I wanted to have a record of the conversations for myself for future reference. So as you know, I ordered it, and it arrived.

So today I rode my mountain and talked continually for 45 minutes up, and 14 minutes down. I didn't just talk to hear myself talk, I had a purpose.

The quality of this V-51 IC recorder is phenomenal! When I got back and listened to the WMA files, I was amazed at how good the quality actually is! I was expecting wind, and gasping, and tons of external noise blotting out my voice... it didn't happen! Wow...

I am looking forward to keeping this up by my bed to record my dreams. I am looking forward to keeping it in my pocket or in my Stefnee bag whenever I go places so that I can always have it with me if I have thoughts, or "aha" moments to record and share with myself or others.

I took the audio, converted it from WMA format int MP3 format, and then broke it down into about 10 minute segments so that anyone who wants to listen can listen to little bits and pieces here and there and not have to worry about finding where they left off if they want to go away and come back.

If you want to listen to all of these camcasts, to make it easier to access, please pin this blog until you are done. Then when you are finished, just unpin it, put it in a paper bag in your mind, and in your mind release it into the river, and let it go.

But please while listening, please try to be present. Please don't be doing a bazillion other things like multitasking and toss this in, because it won't mean anything. All you will hear is me talking away about weird stuff. And that would be a serious waste of your time. I didn't do this to hear myself talk; and I didn't do it to waste your time. I did it, in hopes that someone, even one person, who is present with me on this ride, has a similar "aha" moment, and catches my meaning of what it really feels like to be "present".

It's a wonderful feeling.

Here are the camcasts in mp3 format. Each one is roughly 10 minutes in length, or 4-5MB in size. I hope you get something out of them, even a fraction of what I experience these days when I am able to find my present moments during my waking hours.

1. Being Present Uphill 1
2. Being Present Uphill 2
3. Being Present Uphill 3
4. Being Present Uphill 4
5. Being Present Uphill 5
6. Being Present Downhill 1
7. Being Present Downhill 2

If you really want to download the entire talk in one shot and just run it through...

Being Present Uphill All (45:00)
Being Present Downhill All (13:30)

I love you!

Cam