Biz-talk: Maslow's Hierarchy of Sandwiches

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology that Abraham Maslow proposed in his 1943 paper A Theory of Human Motivation, which he subsequently extended to include his observations of humans' innate curiosity.

 

Mr. Neuendorf has proposed Maslow's Hierarchy of Sandwiches based upon the "standard" five levels discussed by Abraham Maslow in his "classic" Hierarchy of Needs. I, have come to believe that there should be a new level, a sixth level, in order to further expand upon our needs through life.

 

As we have moved out of the 20th and into the 21st century, the baby boomers who are now beginning to retire en masse no longer crave the complexities of life and are instead looking to "roll back the clock" to a time where life was simpler. And for this sense of "needs" we must look to a new sandwich to fulfill their desires...

 

MASLOW'S HIERARCHY OF SANDWICHES

By Andrew Neuendorf

Stage Six added by Cameron Switzer

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S T A G E   O N E

Mayo and Bread

A subsistence sandwich, strictly for survival. The foundational food of the penniless poet who must silence the Sturm und Drang of the stomach long enough to contemplate where his next check will come from. The staple sandwich of the sociopath who maintains an ascetic lifestyle, keeping only two ingredients in his refrigerator while scrapbooking thousands of photos of as-of-yet-unspoken-to neighbors. Also, the prized sandwich of the mother of 14 on food stamps.

 

S T A G E   T W O

Bologna Sandwich

When enough financial security has been achieved, meat can be slapped on top of what was previously a rudimentary meal. The newfound protein generates enough energy to stabilize and secure one's lifestyle. Bologna is the sandwich for budget-conscious lower-class and lower-middle-class folks who can feed their children pseudomeat while saving time on meal prep and avoiding the high prices of cooking gas.

S T A G E   T H R E E

Peanut Butter and Jelly

Once stability arrives, people naturally pine for the comfort and intimacy offered by relationships. Few things belong together like peanut butter and jelly, which, when placed face to face, meld like an almost sexual union of opposites. Sticky and sweet no longer compete, but instead congeal into a mortar that warms the roof of the mouth while plugging the gaps in the heart's levee. The snack sandwich a giggling brother and sister share after Mom has cut off the crusts.

S T A G E   F O U R

Reuben

Social and familial bonding, though important foundations, can only take people so far. Enter the Reuben, which fuels esteem and self-worth with its layered, corn-fed meats and melted cheeses. The sandwich sizzles on the grill like a Dionysian figure keeping his cool as he skates across Hades' fiery lake. The Reuben is so confident that it sports sauerkraut without fear of reprisal from finicky eaters. The sandwich for self-composed delicatessen-goers who order and eat while selling stocks on cell-phone headsets and slipping business cards into the pockets of attractive people 20 years their junior.

S T A G E   F I V E

Muffuletta

When the needs provided by conventional sandwiches have all been satisfied, people begin to seek the whole loaf, which is ample enough to support a complex amalgam of ingredients, including layers of provolone, salami, and ham. Additionally, the muffuletta's olive-salad spread, a mixture of 13 ingredients, unites and surrounds the meat and cheese like a salty oversoul. A product of America's melting pot, the muffuletta is a global sandwich large enough to feed a table full of hungry immigrants who can set aside their differences and break bread in recognition of their common humanity. The muffuletta does not exist as a result of the stomach's emptiness, but was born from the fullness found deep inside us all.

S T A G E   S I X

BLT

 

In Stage 6, the good life finally blends with the desire for the austere simplicity of our youth. The trials and tribulations of a hard life achieved, while facing the stresses of a dysfunctional social network that rewards not the hard working, but the unscrupulous have taken a toll on those who "have everything". Life is finally slowing down, but in a beautiful sunset sort of way where the last rays of sunshine burst forth before the crisp cool night envelopes the world. In order to provide this "soulful regeneration" into the later ages of the golden life in which we have lived, we no longer require the fulfilling muffuletta richness, but instead deem simplicity and austerity as the purest form one can attain.

 

This would be STAGE SIX, and it would be expressed through the enjoyment of a bacon lettuce and tomato (BLT) sandwich, consisting of delicious crispy full-bodied bacon otherwise known as "food of the gods" between two slices of whole-wheat toast slathered in the mayonnaise of our youth to remind one of the good times enjoyed "just surviving". Add to that the zing of a thickly sliced piece of fresh tomato and some crispy lettuce. Top it off with a bit of salt and pepper to bring back the nostalgia of the former "spice of life" years and you have the perfect sandwich to enjoy through the much deserved golden era of life.