Lost in Translation

In the 1970s and 80s, North Korea quietly invaded the coastal towns and villages on the side of the country where I live. They then proceeded to kidnap between 10-20 people during those decades for the purpose of using them to teach North Korean spies how to assimilate into Japanese culture.

Japan has been pushing North Korea every chance it gets for years. In 2002 the U.N. terminated a probe based upon "insufficient information", shocking the country and the victims. North Korea has denied the allegations repeatedly, which has led to further blockading by the country, and very strained ties.

The families will not let the government stop, or give up, in spite of there being very little global support regarding this grave issue.

Some have died over the years (according to the North Koreans). A few years a go a family was liberated to Japan. These kidnappees are now in their mid to late 40s. They were forced to marry in Korea, have children, and take on a new life teaching Japanese, and culture to the government and spies. They have been there (unofficially) for over 30 years.

Their families have been without their children for over 30 years.

The families in Japan do not know if their own children are alive or dead.... they can have no closure... they can have no peace...

When I was at the gym last week two people came in to work out. One was a young guy all in black with the typical "Japanese beard" they like to sport these days (that little bit that runs along the jawline). I noted him, and went about my workout.

But it was the woman that was with him that caught my attention. For the entire time that I was there I could not stop finding instances to watch her, and look at her from different angles, to see her... to understand her...

I didn't find her particularly attractive, or unattractive. In fact, had she been just another ordinary person, gorgeous or not, my mind would have registered her presence, just like it did the guy she was with, or anyone else that came and went during the two hours I was there.

But this time... something was different...

I could not tell, in all honesty if this woman really was a woman... or an extremely feminine man.

And this is where my brain went haywire: it could not determine the sex of this person, it could not have the "closure" that we need when we see things, "box" them, "label" them man, woman, cat, dog, hamburger, bad coffee, rain, flying fish, transvestite, politician, whatever. We all label. It is impossible NOT to label because that is how our minds work. That is how we learn, and grow and educate ourselves in life. It's not a good thing, it's not a bad thing, it just is.

There were so many characteristics that this person affected that were both masculine and feminine. There were so many actions that she did that could have been that of a man, but again, so many other things that men just simply do not do, but women do naturally.

Her body shape was very slender like a woman, but there were many distinctly male shapes as well. She had an adam's apple which apparently women do not have, a definite masculine wrist-to-hand shape, completely smooth (hairless) arms and legs (which very few men can get even with shaving), extremely long legs, shaped very much like mine, devoid of any of the feminine curve.

She wore a pastel yellow sports bra tank-top under her pastel green t-shirt, but her breasts were extremely small, almost negligible (not unusual for Japanese women, actually, but very rare these days), yet could have been perhaps a man transitioning while taking female growth hormones. With very loose long basketball shorts I could not tell anything definite below the waist, either. She sported a very feminine chain with a bauble on the end of it, short "emo-style" hair (thanks for that explanation, Stefnee).

Her face looked exactly like all of the young TV talent boys these days: so feminine, yet so not. They are so feminine that if you put them in makeup, you could not tell that they were anything but a woman! (this is the look that is popular among young Japanese women these days - they want very feminine-looking boys it seems).

She could have been a "boyish" volleyball player for all I could tell. When her friend was working on the machines, she would crouch down in front of him to talk, definitely not something men do, and yet, since she did very little weights (very light weights that a man would never do), when she was walking around listening to her iPod the actions, the motions were so masculine....

Maybe she was a man in transition... maybe she was a very feminine young man... maybe she was a masculine woman.. I still don't know. My brain still cannot come to a conclusion. It cannot rest.

If a gay couple or a lesbian couple had walked in, my brain would have noted them, and then moved on. No big deal. Two guys? No problem. Two women? No problem. Singles? Easy. Couples? A snap. Someone in a wheelchair? I can deal with that. Really. My brain would have been able to deal with all of that, understand it and allow me to move on. But not this time...

This was one of those very interesting events, moments in my life that occurred at a time when, being more aware of what goes on inside me and around me than ever before, being able to now be the observer of my thoughts without being controlled by them, to see things differently, has allowed me to do more than just stare, more than just gawk... more than... I don't know how to explain it... I find it fascinating how my mind is working at trying to solve this mystery. Fascinating!

Here is another great example of a similar kind of event that occurred when my brain was baffled and confused: When Mayu and I saw our first "kamoshika" (Japanese serow) in the woods, staring back at us, our brains went haywire. We could not tell what it was. Was it a cow? No... Was it a goat? No... Was it a deer? No... Was it some mythical beast? No...

It just didn't look like anything we had ever seen before, it wouldn't fit into any kind of labeled box that our brains had developed over decades of experience. Until we found out what it was, we could not get "closure" on that animal.

My brain has been having trouble getting "closure" on the sex of the woman in the gym, as is obvious by the fact that I write this blog over a week after the event occurred.

It's absolutely no wonder that the parents of the kidnapped victims off the beaches near where I live now cannot stop, cannot rest... Their brains  cannot get closure on their own children's life or death. If they were to hear that their children were alive, married, had children in North Korea and were living there never to return, closure would come. They may not be happy, and they may believe that the government is holding them in N. Korea against their will, but the life/death mystery would be solved, and a huge weight would be lifted from their shoulders.

Missing children, missing parents... it must be the same thing. The brain simply cannot stop going haywire because it is not able to come to a conclusion... any conclusion. It is left "in the dark", left without all the pieces of the puzzle to put together. Family members never coming home after a natural disaster like the killer tsunami a few years ago, or bodies never being found after Katrina... unanswered questions... the mind unable to rest, to be silent...

This latest incident at the gym, coupled with my year of meditation, learning to be the observer of my mind's thoughts, rather than to be controlled by them... this long arduous, continuous study to improve.. has opened my eyes a bit more on how the brain functions in real life situations.

I find that fascinating, and love the fact that I have been able to learn a little bit more about my brain, and what happens when it gets "Lost in Translation".

I love you.

Cam

P.S. If you would like to learn more about the kidnappings of Japanese nationals on Japanese soil by the North Koreans, please read a few of these news articles from the Japan Times.