Make no bones about it divorce is HARD. In fact it is quite likely the hardest thing one might ever undertake and for so many reasons.
Here is a very interesting concept for those struggling with the anger and rage that often accompanies divorce...
'Divorce ceremony' gives couples chance to make clean break
TOKYO
Some divorce-bound couples in Japan are smashing their wedding rings at ‘‘divorce ceremonies,’’ vowing to make a clean break and a fresh start in front of friends and family.
"Congratulations on your divorce.’’ Guests wish the former bride and groom well on their separate lives at the ceremony, which involves smashing wedding rings using a wooden hammer, held by the soon-to-be ex-spouses, a ritual antithesis to cutting the cake at weddings...
Read the rest here: http://tinyurl.com/SmashThatWeddingRing
You can read my comments on this as TheBigRiceBowl in the comments section.
In a nutshell? Well, aside from being overpriced (most ceremonies in Japan are), I think this is a very good idea; it actually allows the divorced couple PHYSICAL CLOSURE which is often missing from divorce. It allows them a link to actually let go of the anger, rage, and ugliness that builds in 95% of all divorces.
Since divorce rates in the US are 50% (1st marriage), 60% (2nd marriage), 75% (3rd marriage), if someone imports this to the USA and adapts it to American culture, it could actually be a good business. I'm serious; it isn't exploitation. It's hard to admit but most divorced people really do have a lot of pent up anger, frustration and rage inside them that is rotting them. Who wants to have a new relationship with a rotten person? If you can physically release this anger, you can renew yourself, move on, stop living in the past, and begin to rebuild your life. I personally know people who could have used some serious closure ...
I love you!
Cam
Hmmmm I dunno. I know for a fact that none of my family would participate... nor would Scott's.
ReplyDeleteHeck.. they won't even sit near me at a school function.....
I think this is not for me.
Stefnee - I don't know about inviting family but for a couple I can see merit. Family members probably need something entirely different because the baggage and anger they carry is different from the divorced couple.
ReplyDeleteyeah... I suppose so.
ReplyDeleteI think Mark would likely try to beat me over the head with the wooden mallet instead of the ring. LOL
ReplyDeleteWe do have Divorce parties here and its is a big industry with cakes, and all kinds of novelty items. But an actual ceremony where the soon to be ex's were to be in the same room... probably wouldn't go over too well, because unfortunately Americans are different. Where as marriage is all about love, divorce tends to become all about money, sadly.
I would have loved to remain friends with Mark and as a matter of fact I still care deeply for him, and feel he is still the one person who knows me best and is my best friend. I also know him better than anyone, and it will sadly probably remain that way as he was so hurt by our divorce that I don't know if he will allow himself to open up fully to his new wife because he married her before gaining any closure. How do I know this? Because he is still so angry at me. And for what?! Because I left him.
Your right, divorce is hard and its been a long road back to being whole. But thankfully I am on my way to being not only whole but also stronger and a better person from the experience. I learned a lot through it. I have finally after 40 years started to get to know and be comfortable with myself and who I am instead of being uncomfortable and what I thought someone else wanted me to be.
I don't think this can work unless and until BOTH parties in a divorce have come to terms with and accepted the split. That usually doesn't happen in "divorce-bound" couples, but some time after the legalities have been taken care of and there is at least that level of closure.
ReplyDeleteIn most divorces at least ONE of the spouses is not happy to be left, so i'm thinking they'd not be likely to welcome a ceremony to celebrate it.
Greg and i are in a good place as we've both accepted and are moving forward in our plans. However, i'm SURE he is NOT ready to celebrate it as he still feels the loss at a deep emotional level. I think this is perfectly normal.
So while there is no rage or ugliness, it's still a bit early to celebrate.
I feel celebratory because it's what "I" want... to be free and on my own. He wants/wanted to grow old with his wife. Nothing for him to celebrate... yet.
I'd say in a year or so (maybe less) after the house is sold and we are making our own way and enjoying life apart would be a nice time to celebrate.....
Or would that just bring up old wounds.
I think people should just be nice to each other always.
No special occasion should be necessary.